


Secrets

by GH_123



Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: F/M, Family Secrets, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Long Lost Daughter, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, M/M, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-07-31 09:43:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20113072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GH_123/pseuds/GH_123
Summary: See notes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So a few months ago I posted a fic called ‘Laws of Family’ (I think that was the name haha). The fic focused on Lydia, who was James’ long lost daughter. In a bid to get close to James before revealing who she was she took up work experience at his law firm. 
> 
> After a couple of chapters, I realised I wasn’t really into it and just wanted to get to the big reveal (so here it is) but couldn’t be bothered with all the build up! I plan on making this two/three parts. The events that will follow will be similar to things that have been played out on the show, just a little different.
> 
> Enjoy!

Before Lydia knew it the months working for James Nightingale had flown by, the lies that she had told and continued to tell had gone on for so long that she couldn’t quite see a way out. She hadn’t intended for things to go this far, when she initially conjured up this idea in her head she envisaged it only lasting a few weeks. 

Unexpectedly, so much had happened over the past few months. She had become more than just a work experience girl that was doing James Nightingales dirty work, she had helped him with important cases and carried out so much more than was expected of her. On a personal level, they had really bonded, opening up to one another about their backgrounds, childhoods and family life. 

Lydia keeping some information close to her chest, she had spoken to him briefly about her absent father, James making some comment about how growing up without a father isn’t always a negative thing. She knew he was speaking from the troubles he had had with his own. Little did he know the absent father she was speaking of, was him. 

Prior to working with James, some of the local villagers had filled her in on what he was like. The words they used weren’t exactly words she wanted to hear, she didn’t want her father to be cold and calculating, she wanted him to be loving and kind. What she had experienced was completely different to what she had been told, it hadn’t been easy and he was definitely very closed off in the beginning but he had really been nothing but nice to her. If she had had a genuine interest in law then she would have found all of his expertise and the responsibility he had given her very helpful. 

There had been times when things between them had maybe got too close for James’ liking, he would find himself opening up a little too much or suddenly become a little too trusting. As soon as the realisation dawned upon him, he started to shut down and put up a wall. 

The first time it happened Lydia didn’t bat an eyelid, something that took James by surprise, he was used to people backing away after one of his outbursts but Lydia came back the next day just as cheery as ever. She completely understood, understood because she had spent her whole life doing the same thing. Keeping people at arms length, never allowing anyone to get too close through fear of getting hurt. 

She was actually glad she had witnessed this side of his personality, it showed something similar between them. Although, this wasn’t exactly what she had in mind, she was glad they shared at least one trait. 

***

Lydia could feel the early morning sunshine peaking through the clouds, already making its presence known on her skin. As Lydia walked through Hollyoaks village with a spring in her step, a gentle breeze blew through her blonde hair as her nostrils grew accustomed to the donut stall that Ste had set up. 

The smell was always a little too much for just before 9am and there had been many times when James had complained about it wafting through the office. Lydia knew that James’ problem with Ste was more than just donuts, he had briefly filled her in on his boyfriend Harry’s very short and failed marriage to him, but she was aware there was still an element of competition. 

She climbed the stairs to the front door, a coffee cup in each of her hands. It had become part of her morning routine to pick a coffee up for her and James before she started her shift. She was bursting with excitement, James had given her the day off yesterday whilst he focused and prepared for one of his biggest court cases, a case against his father. Lydia had worked alongside him, helping him with building up the case and being filled in on the hatred that James had for his father.

She was grateful that James opened up to her (as much as James would open up) about his life with his evil, manipulative father. He really didn’t sound or seem, from the few occasions Lydia had met him, like the nicest person. James’ distain seemed totally justified. She did however, feel a little defeated that her illusion of simply slotting in to the perfect family had been shattered, of course, nobody was perfect but she had spent so long building up this fairytale of events that would play out. 

She was excited to get all the details of yesterday’s events, she was a little deflated that he hadn’t been in touch to let her know the outcome but she understood this was a family event and as of yet, she hadn’t quite established herself in the Nightingale family. Undoubtedly, she knew they would succeed, James was incredibly good at what he did and quite frankly Mac didn’t have a leg to stand on, the case was strong. 

The door not opening like she expected it to took her by surprise, so much so that she narrowly avoided smacking into the solid wood and spilling coffee down herself. Glancing at her watch she saw it had just left 9, it was very unusual for James not to already be in the office working away. Never in her time working for him had she known the place not to be open.

As she took a few steps back to observe the building, she noticed it was engulfed in darkness, no lights on or any sign of anyone being inside. She sat down on the steps (which were surprisingly cold given the summers day) and drank her coffee, she figured if James wasn’t going to come in at all he would have at least had the decency to let her know. Maybe they had all been out celebrating last night and had one too many, he had probably overslept and was trying to manage his hangover with his meticulous morning routine.

Fifteen minutes later when her coffee had been drunk and there was still no sign of James, she decided to give him a call. The call rang for longer than normal, his phone was always at his side and he usually picked up after a few rings. 

“Lydia” a voice spoke, it took her a while to register that the voice belonged to Harry. 

“Harry?” her pitch rising, slightly questioning whether or not it was the person she thought, when he didn’t respond, she continued to speak. “I just wondered where James was, he’s not at work and...”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry” Harry interrupted apologising, there was something about his tone that immediately made Lydia nervous. “Did no one tell you. He was rushed to hospital yesterday afternoon” his voice wavered and Lydia wondered whether he had been hit with the reality of saying things out loud, as soon as you did that, they always seemed much more real. 

“Is he okay?” she asked her heart sinking, getting rushed to hospital was never a good sign. 

“He’s still unconscious. They think he’s been poisoned” he explained quickly, she could tell he was trying to hold back the tears. Poisoning. She felt as if she was in some kind of movie, that’s the only place poisoning happened right? “Anyway, Lydia, I’m sorry, I have to go” she wasn’t able to ask anymore questions or pass on her sympathies as Harry quickly hung up her phone.

She could feel her heart thumping in her chest, rapidly beating as the realisation that her dad was in hospital, potentially fighting for his life. You don’t just accidentally poison someone. This had all been intentional, he had to have been targeted, she knew that he wasn’t the most liked person around here and he definitely had some enemies but surely no body wanted him dead.

***

“Soph, what do I do?” Lydia asked, she had been beside herself since finding out about James. She felt awful for initially thinking he was in some sort of hungover state at home. 

Sophie was Lydia’s best friend. The two of them were currently living with Sophie’s sister in Liverpool before they moved into their uni halls. Sophie was also the only person that knew James was Lydia’s father, the idea of an interest in law in a bid to get closer to him had been a plan that both of them had worked on together. 

“Do you want to see him?” Sophie asked as she sat opposite her on a bench outside the Tea House. 

“Yeah” she had fought with her instant reaction, which was to go straight over to the hospital and sit by his bedside until he woke up. “Because he’s my dad” she wasn’t necessarily the emotional type, again a trait she had recently noticed she had inherited from her father, but she could feel her eyes filling with tears.

“It’s okay to be upset you know” Sophie reassured her. “Like you said he is your dad and you have spent so much time with him over the past few months” Sophie had a point, a point that Lydia was glad she had made. She could remember being at school and hearing other children talk about their parents working away, how they would go months and months without seeing them. Sure, Lydia and James had eighteen years to catch up on but she had spend almost everyday with him since they met. 

“I’m just the work experience girl to all of them, surely it would look weird” she added, she had to think about how it would look from their perspective. She didn’t want her cover being blown for her because of their suspicions. 

“You don’t have to turn up and be all emotional” Sophie explained. “Turn up with flowers or something, offer your condolences. You can’t really do much more than that” she shrugged, before drinking her coffee. Her advice wasn’t super helpful but it helped just having someone to talk to, someone Lydia could be honest with. 

“Do I tell them who I am?” since finding out, the idea of revealing who she really was to Harry and Marnie had been playing on her mind. The thought of something happening to him actually broke Lydia’s heart but knowing that he would never know who she actually was hurt more than she ever thought it could. At least if some of his family knew then maybe that would ease the pain. 

“You want to tell them before James?” Sophie asked.

“What if I don’t get the chance to tell him” she knew she was being pessimistic, but Sophie hadn’t heard Harry on the phone, he sounded so devastated and hopeless he hadn’t exactly filled her with confidence for a positive outcome. 

“Look” Sophie started. “Everything happens for a reason, maybe this is the kick you need to actually tell them all who you are. You’ve dragged it out long enough” 

***

By lunchtime, Lydia deemed it acceptable to head to the hospital. She was still too far caught up in what it would look like to Marnie and Harry, she had left enough time so that it didn’t look like she was in some mad, urgent rush to get there, yet it was still within an acceptable time frame to show she cared and was concerned. 

As she approached the hospital, she was surprised to see Harry sat out by the entrance, perched on a bench looking rather gloomy. Instantly, she feared the worst. She couldn’t get too emotional, that’s what Sophie had told her. In that moment she decided to pretend she hadn’t seen Harry, head straight inside and give the flowers to Marnie, ask how James was doing and then leave. 

“Lydia” she was stopped in her tracks, just as the automatic doors had opened, Harry called her name. She couldn’t ignore him now. 

“Hi” she offered him a small, sympathetic smile as she made her way over to the bench, Harry making no attempt to move. Over the past few months she had grown fairly close to Harry, he would often pop into the office, occasionally when James wasn’t there and they would often just find themselves chatting and getting along. 

Harry was a little younger than James, actually he was probably just a few year older than Lydia. If he hadn’t been dating her dad she would have found him rather attractive, actually, despite the fact he was dating her dad she still found him rather gorgeous. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked sounding somewhat surprised to see her. 

“I just wanted to drop off these” she spoke as she sat down beside him, gesturing to the flowers that she had clasped in her hands. She was thankful she had brought something along with her, otherwise her presence may have seemed a little odd. “I know he’s not really a flower person but..” she trailed off. “How is he doing?” she asked.

“Okay” he nodded. “As well as can be I think. They’re going to wake him up soon” he explained. Harry looked absolutely knackered, Lydia wondered since all of this had happened whether he’d actually slept. He certainly didn’t look like he had. 

“That’s good isn’t it?” Lydia asked.

“Yeah, yeah. It is” Harry nodded. “It is, sorry, I just can’t stop thinking about what happened to him.”

“Do they still think he was poisoned?” she asked, to which Harry just nodded.

“Marnie thinks it was Mac” Harry admitted, he was probably revealing far too much. 

“Mac?!” Lydia couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing, she knew Mac was lots of things but a potential murderer, that was completely the other end of the scale.

“Yeah. I guess it makes sense. They had a run in earlier on in the day and he was desperate to stop the case from going ahead.” Now that Harry was justifying their reasons, it all seemed to make a little more sense in Lydia’s head. “You know at first, when he didn’t turn up we thought he was with you.”

“With me?” the thought that she had been Harry’s first thought was baffling.

“Yeah. I was just about to call you and then...then we found him” it was obvious the event of finding James yesterday, passed out and unconscious somewhere was still giving Harry nightmares.

“Why me?” it probably wasn’t the time but her curiosity got the better of her. 

“Because you’re the one that’s got him through this case. You know he’d never tell you this but he’s really appreciated everything you’ve done” Harry told her, Lydia tried her hardest not to let the smile that was tugging at the corners of her mouth take over her face. Knowing that he had gone home to Harry and spoken about her made her feel all warm inside. 

“Hey, he’ll be okay” Lydia told him as she saw his face fall, talking about him had clearly upset Harry. 

“Yeah I know, I know” Harry shook his head, shaking off the negative thoughts. “It’s just there always seems to be something that gets in the way” he explained, leaving Lydia unsure of what he meant but he continued to explain anyway. “Ste, this case has completely taken over his life and now this” he sighed, sounding devastated. “I love him so much but sometimes I think we’re just not supposed to be together” 

It was in that moment she realised so much. Number one being that she was surprised to hear they weren’t the solid couple she thought they were, she knew there had been problems in the past with Ste but they were still clearly at the forefront of their relationship. Secondly, being that it amazed her how truly happy it made her to know how much Harry loved her dad and thirdly, and quite possibly the most painful of her realisations was that she was just going to be another obstacle in the way of their happiness. 

She knew that even the strongest of relationships would struggle having a daughter thrown into the mix but it sounded like Harry and James had been through enough already. She had to give them a chance. Knowing that James would be okay, Lydia knew she couldn’t go through with telling him, she knew how much James loved Harry and she had to put that first.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, 
> 
> Here is part 2. 
> 
> This one was much longer than I intended it to be so I’m sorry if in some places it just seems like a bit of a ramble. I have the next/final part already planned out so hopefully I will be able to get that one up fairly quickly.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left lovely comments on chapter 1. I hope you enjoy part 2.

It had been two weeks since Lydia’s chat with Harry outside the hospital. Suddenly becoming aware of their relationship history had caused Lydia to take a back seat. She couldn’t let herself be another obstacle that got in their way, she had to give them a chance to be happy, a chance for things to just be normal. 

A couple of days after the poisoning, Lydia had text James explaining that she had to head back home for a little while. This of course was a lie, but she knew she couldn’t go back to how things were without telling him who she really was. She thanked him for all his help and wished him well with his recovery. James didn’t reply.

When she thought about it, despite feeling a little heartbroken, she realised it was all for the best. James didn’t need her anymore, he never really did need her, but now that the case with Mac was over (well, it had never really had the chance to happen) her work with James was done. 

Since walking away from the hospital, James had been all she had thought about, she had no plans to return to Hollyoaks and wondered if she would ever get a second chance to tell him, little did she know that that chance would come much sooner than she thought. 

***

Just a few weeks after leaving Hollyoaks village and making a promise to herself to not return for a while, Lydia found herself sitting outside The Teahouse waiting for Sophie to finish her job interview at Price Slice, the local village shop. 

The choice to make a very brief return felt very much out of Lydia’s hands. Sophie had practically begged her to come with her, insisting that she knew the village best and could therefore show her around if she did indeed get the job. It was also a tactical move on Sophie’s part, she had seen how devastated Lydia had been since deciding to let go of whatever happy, family orientated future she could have had with James. She knew that being back in the village would force Lydia to face the music, the temptation would be too much for her to resist. 

As Lydia sat outside The Teahouse on a rickety old bench that made her iced coffee wobble ever time she moved, she realised that coming back here was a bad idea. She had already encountered a few people that she recognised from making her regular visits to this place during her morning coffee runs for James. One of which being Brady Hudson, he was a local barman that she had instantly taken a shine to. He was probably a little too old for her but that still didn’t dull the shine. He always seemed to make time for her and this morning had been no different, despite it mainly consisting of Brody discussing the all day boat party event he was hosting today, she was grateful for the company and the distraction from the memories being back here brought. 

“Well, hi there stranger” the voice caught her off guard, she had been lost in her thoughts, idly playing with the straw in her iced coffee, her mind wandering for a few minutes. Before she knew it Harry was standing in front of her, his arms outstretched as he bent down to give her a hug. Another friendly gesture from him that took her by surprise. They had never hugged before, not even when James was unconscious in hospital (when Harry could have probably really done with a hug) the pair had never embraced each other. Maybe Harry felt their conversation outside the hospital had somewhat brought them closer, he did open up to her after all. Lydia felt herself awkwardly hug him back, before he pulled away and perched himself down next to her. “How are you? I thought you were back in Brighton.” 

“I’m okay, back now” she smiled. “How are you? How is James?” the words had fallen from her lips before she had time to think about them. She couldn’t leave or let Harry leave this conversation without asking after James.

“I’m alright. James is okay, I think” he shrugged his shoulders as he spoke. Lydia’s mind was now racing, she was curious to know the meaning behind the _ ‘I think’. _ “We broke up” he elaborated without Lydia’s questioning, almost as if he could read her mind or facial expressions, he had a habit of doing that. 

“You broke up?” 

“Yeah” he nodded sadly. “He just became far too paranoid about every move I made. He couldn’t think of anything except this case against Mac, he’s completely fixated on who poisoned him. It just drove me away. Does that make me sound like an awful person?” he asked. He was aware that leaving the man he loved just a week after leaving hospital probably didn’t paint him in the best light.

“No” Lydia answered simply. “You have your reasons.” 

If what Harry was saying was true then she could totally understand why someone would walk away from a relationship. But her mind wasn’t thinking about that, she was thinking about how now there was nobody getting in the way of her secret. She had only kept quiet in order to give Harry and James a chance to make things work. They had had their chance. It hadn’t worked out. Maybe now she could tell him.

“He has some of your things by the way” Harry told her.

“My things?” 

“Yeah a folder with some notes in it and maybe a few books. I’m not sure” he shrugged again, but as with before Lydia’s mind was elsewhere. She had a way in, turning up at James’ house unexpectedly without a purpose would just seem crazy however, if she was turning up to collect a few things then that was completely plausible. 

“Oh” Lydia nodded. “Do you think he’d might if I stopped by and picked them up?” 

“I doubt it. I mean he could have thrown them all away by now. You know what James is like” it was clear Harry wasn’t over him, Lydia didn’t think he ever would be, the fondness in his tone was evident. She may only be young and somewhat naive to the world of love but she could see that Harry and James, despite their ups and downs were one of those couples that were destining to be together. 

“Yeah” she laughed gently. It gave her a warm feeling to know that she was someone Harry would class as knowing James. “I might stop by before I leave” she spoke her thought out loud.

“Sure” Harry nodded. “Look, I need to go, I promised dad I’d watch the kids this afternoon. It was nice seeing you again” he smiled. He hugged her again before standing up from the bench. “Take care, yeah.”

“Yeah, you too”

As she watched Harry walk away she knew now what she had to do. She suddenly felt like everything had fallen into place. She wasn’t sure how it wasn’t going to happen, she wasn’t sure whether when faced with him she would have the nerve to go ahead with it, but in that very brief moment she made the decision to tell James. 

***

She hadn’t felt this nervous since she turned up at the law firm just a few months ago. Oddly, she found herself in the same position, anxiously waiting for him to open the door and greet her. Lydia stood on the doorstep, tapping her foot along to the music that she could hear coming from Brody’s all day boat party, she already knew the noise wouldn’t impress James. 

After what felt like ages of waiting he suddenly pulled back the door. He was dressed much more causally than she was used to seeing, she couldn’t recall a time she had seen him not in a suit. Stubble had started to grow on his chin, he looked different, older slightly, when she thought about it he had been through quite a horrific ordeal, it was bound to take its toll on him. 

“Hi” she offered him a small smile as her heart thumped in her chest.

“Hi” he looked at her unsure. “I thought we were supposed to be...”

“Yeah. I’m back now” she told him, her nerves getting the better of her as she interrupted him. “I’ve come to collect my things” she explained, she knew it would be a matter of seconds before he asked her what she was doing here. 

“Oh yeah, come on in” he stepped back to let her into the small porch that sat at the front of his house. The long, translucent glass windows looking out onto the village. She had never actually been in his home before, they would always meet at the office or The Teahouse, he had never invited her into his home before, there was no need for him to. 

He led her through the front door into the open plan living area and kitchen, the decor was exactly how Lydia had expected it to be. Tasteful, classic and expensive. She smiled to herself, if she had to create a home for James based upon what she already knew about him she would have created something pretty similar to this. 

“Can I get you a drink?” James asked as he moved round Lydia, who was awkwardly hovering by the front door. She thought it was odd that he was offering her a drink, that signified staying for a substantial amount of time. “I have coffee, wine” he opened a cupboard, looking over his shoulder at Lydia as he spoke, looking her up and down. “I have juice” he added.

“Coffee will be fine, thank you” she smiled. 

“Have a seat” James nodded in the direction of the sofas that sat so perfectly elegant around a glass coffee table. She slowly made her way over to them and sat down, perching herself on the edge. She didn’t want to get too comfortable. 

As she heard James clattering around the kitchen making their coffees, she took in her surroundings. James had a small table tucked away a little alcove, it was laden with family photographs, all encased in beautiful, detailed frames that Lydia was sure cost a fortune. 

She recognised the siblings that she had heard him talk so fondly of. His late brother Nathan taking pride of place in the centre of them all. Amongst all of them, one photo in particular caught Lydia’s eye. It was a photo of James and his mother sat on Brighton beach, he looked around the age of six or seven, a big, cheesy grin plastered upon his innocent little face. A sudden feeling of happiness washed over Lydia, he looked exactly like she did at that age, the resemblance was uncanny. 

The longing that she had had to feel part of a family, to have someone tell her how much she was like her mother or father had never really left her. She had been brought up by her grandparents, they were wonderful people and she loved them dearly but it still didn’t replace the parent shaped void in her life. She knew her mother was a waste of space from as soon as she could talk, she had been in and out of her life for years, spending more time out of it than actually in it. The last time they had met had been a chance meeting four years ago, she told Lydia that she needed to find her father and make him pay. 

Here she was, she had found him. She didn’t want to make him pay, not in the slightest. She just wanted to feel loved and accepted, that’s all she’d ever really wanted. 

“Here you are” he broke her from her thoughts as he placed her coffee down on the table in front of her. 

“Thanks” as she watched him move to go and sit on a chair just to the left of her, she noticed a scar on his arm, it looked new, fresh. Maybe it was somehow related to the poisoning, did he fall and hit himself? Either way it reminded her to actually ask how he was. “How are you doing?” she asked a little hesitantly, she wasn’t sure if it was a subject he would want to discuss. 

“You mean since being poisoned” he was so blunt and to the point, she didn’t know why she was so surprised. “I’m okay, now. Took a few days to recover and feel like me again, it’s the weirdest feeling. I was just so dazed” he explained. “Thank you for the flowers” he added as an after thought.

“It’s okay. It’s the least I could do.” She reached forwards for her coffee cup, bringing it to her lips and taking a few gulps, allowing the liquid to warm her throat. “Sorry, I just left” she felt the need to apologise, like she owed him some kind of explanation. 

“It’s okay. I understand, family is important” she was really hoping he stuck by that when she finally told him who she was. “Oh, let me go and grab your things” James announced as if the thought had suddenly dawned upon him, he rose to his feet and made his way over to the set of shelves placed firmly on the wall. For a brief moment Lydia’s eyes were drawn back to the photograph. She couldn’t stop staring at it. “I hope you don’t mind but I took the liberty of writing you a reference” he told her as he handed over a bright pink folder. 

“A reference?” she asked. Keeping a folder full of notes had been James’ idea, building up a profile, a portfolio of evidence he called it. The truth was, she couldn’t have cared less about the file, law being just a faked interest in order to get close to him. 

“Yeah. In case it’s ever needed in the future or if anyone at uni needs to see it. You’ve been a big help Lydia, it’s just a shame we didn’t get the results we wanted” he gave her a sad smile as he handed the folder over to her, something which she reciprocated. 

Noticing that the coffee cups were now empty, James picked them up and headed towards the kitchen. Lydia took this time just to briefly read over the things he had written about her, they were all really lovely, she started to convince herself that she could carve out a law career. 

“Thank you for this” she said holding up the folder. “You didn’t have to be so nice, it’s a good job Harry...”

“Harry” James injected, as if hearing his ex boyfriends names was a sudden surprise. “You saw Harry?” he asked.

“Yeah. I bumped in to him earlier at The Teahouse. He told me you had this” she explained as James continued to busy himself with cleaning the kitchen. 

“Oh. How was he?” she knew he was after information, he just wanted to hear anything about him.

“Okay” she nodded. “He mentioned that you two had broken up” she uttered the words quietly, he had spoken to her fairly openly about his relationship with Harry when they were working together, she didn’t see the harm in letting him know she knew. “Are you okay?” she asked softly.

“Me?” he seemed surprised that someone was asking him how he was feeling. He knew he had been the over the top, irrational one, even his family had taken Harry’s side. “Yeah, I’m okay. I will be” he sighed as he leaned on the kitchen surface. “I always am. When you’ve had my life, you sort of learn to be alone” 

The words stung as Lydia registered them. The truth was they had led fairly similar lives, they had both been part of a family, had love and support around them and yet somehow, deep down they never felt like they belonged. Maybe they had just been searching for each other. 

“James you don’t have to be...” by this point Lydia had stood to her feet, she was preparing to leave, preparing to not breathe a word of who she was to him, but his last sentence had stopped her in her tracks.

“Oh god, look at me getting all sentimental” he laughed, although Lydia could see the sadness in his eyes. “Sorry, I’ll see you out” he made his way over to the front. 

“You will be okay though won’t you? Like really okay” Lydia asked, she hated the thought of him being upset and lonely. 

“Yeah course. Why do you care so much?” 

This was it, without knowing he had finally given her an inch, the little nudge that she needed. She could feel her heart beating, her palms had started to grow sweaty as she held the folder close to her chest, a lump was forming in her throat, the words spinning round her head.

“Because you’re my dad” 

Time seemed to stand still, she hadn’t meant for the words to leave her lips so freely, she wanted it to be a sweet little moment, something thought out and planned, not just blurred out. She could feel his eyes on her, but she couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact. She was starting to feel sick. After what felt like a lifetime of waiting, she heard him laugh, a deep, almost evil laugh. 

“You have to be kidding” his smile faltered when he saw the serious look in Lydia’s eyes. 

“My mum is Donna Marie. You slept with her when you were 16 and...” Lydia could feel the tears falling from her eyes, the atmosphere in the room was tense and horrible. It had changed within seconds. The recognition in James’ eyes represented that of horror when Lydia revealed her mums name. 

“No, no, no” he placed his head in his hands, rubbing at his face as he shook his head. “I didn’t..I think I’m going to sick” he rushed over to the sink, but thankfully did not throw up. He pulled himself upright, straightening himself up, addressing Lydia from the kitchen. “I didn’t sleep with your mother through choice, I was forced into it all. I was made to do it” there was a mix of emotions in his tone as he spoke, sadness and anger. 

“What do you mean?” she asked as she quickly wiped away her tears. None of this was making any sense. 

“Mac” he shouted, this time any trace of sadness had been replaced with pure anger. “It was my sixteenth birthday. Your mum was the prostitute he hired for my birthday present, some twisted way, some sick mind game to try and make me straight” Lydia’s heart was breaking with every word he said, she had no idea this was how she came to be. Sure, she knew they were both young, she wasn’t expecting it to be romantic and sweet, but this, what she was hearing was making her stomach turn. “I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t ask for you.”

“James, I’m so sorry...I...I didn’t...”

“You need to leave, Lydia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. 
> 
> Please leave kudos, comments and any requests. I could always do with some inspiration. xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for all the lovely comments I have received on this little story. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the final part.

“Lydia, you came” Brody beamed at her brightly as he excused himself from the few customers he was talking to and made his way over to where Lydia was stood at the opposite end of the bar. He had a silver cocktail shaker clasped in his hand and a Hawaiian lei around his neck. Despite only being the early afternoon the party was in full swing. “Are you okay?” he asked, his bright smile faltered when he saw the look on her face. He didn’t know her all that well but even he could see that she had been crying, her eyes were bloodshot and her mascara had ever so slightly smudged. 

“I need the biggest, most alcoholic thing you do” she didn’t answer his question or really acknowledge his smile. The place was alive with energy and fun, a complete contrast to how she felt, she wanted to block out the loud, thumping music and the excited chatter and simply drown her sorrows. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Brody asked again, this time leaning a little closer to her, the bar becoming a barrier between. “Look, how about you go and grab a seat outside and I’ll be out in a minute with something” he offered when Lydia refused to answer. Brody figured that maybe this place wasn’t the best place for her, she certain didn’t look in the mood to party and he was definitely sure that she shouldn’t be drinking. Lydia didn’t respond verbally, she simply followed Brody’s instruction and sauntered off outside.

Lydia chose a table that was round the far side of the boat, she didn't quite fancy practically sitting on James Nightingales doorstep, not after their disastrous conversation that had just taken place inside his home. After ten minutes of waiting, she had started to give up hope of Brody coming out to find her, maybe he didn’t care and just wanted her negative energy and miserable face off his boat. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting this long” Brody apologised as he rushed round the corner, a drink held in his hands. “Sorry, it just got really manic in there” he explained as he sat down opposite her and slid the drink across the table.

“This is just juice” she revealed after taking a sip from the drink he had handed her. She looked at the glass disapprovingly before placing it back down on the table. The bright orange liquid could easily have been mistaken for some bright, exotic cocktail.

“Drinking when emotional is never a good thing to do.” She was so overcome with emotion, she had hardly registered Brody’s words. She couldn’t stop replaying the conversation she had just had with James in her head, the things he had said, the things he had revealed to her, things she never knew. Without her permission the tears had started to leave her eyes again, rolling down her cheeks. “Hey, it’s only juice” Brody tried to joke, Lydia appreciated the effort but she still couldn’t break a smile. “You can tell me to mind my own business, but sometimes it’s good to talk.” 

Lydia had no idea why he was being so lovely, why he seemed to care so much. She wished James had cared, even just a little bit. Without giving it a second thought, she suddenly found herself opening up to Brody. 

“I’ve just told...” she could feel herself starting to cry again, for someone who would describe themselves as slightly emotionless she was certainly doing a good job at proving herself wrong. “I’ve just told my long lost father that I’m his daughter” despite being well away from most of the party goers on the boat, Lydia kept her voice quiet.

For a brief moment Brody smiled, his face lighting up for the tiniest of seconds as he was exposed to some rather juicy gossip however, his smile quickly disappeared when he realised how totally inappropriate it was. 

“Sorry” he apologised for the smile that Lydia didn’t see. “I’m guessing it didn’t go as planned.”

“That’s an understatement” the reaction James had was something she thought she had prepared herself for. Ever the cynic she hadn’t dreamt of some fairytale happy ending, she was expecting the worst and yet still here she was utterly heartbroken.

“If it’s any consolation, I’m not sure I’d have the best reaction if I’d just discovered I had a kid” Brody informed her, hoping that his honesty would help. “All I’m saying is, maybe don’t take it personally, he’s probably just in shock” he added when Lydia looked at him dubiously.

“I know” she sighed, wiping at her eyes yet again. She cursed herself for being so emotional and for being unable to hold it together. “I just thought that after all this time...maybe...” she wasn’t really sure what she thought. She had spent so much time getting to know James, she liked him, she thought he liked her, she was hoping that might have made the revelation less of a shock.

“Hang on” Lydia could almost see the cogs in Brody’s mind turning as he pieced together the information she had just relayed to him. Up until that point Lydia had been refraining from telling Brody who her father was, despite not welcoming her with open she still felt protective towards James, maybe even more so after what he had just revealed about his childhood. Little did she realise her subtle slip of the tongue _ ‘after all this time’, _ had just revealed all to Brody. “Wait, James is your dad” he leaned across the bench and kept his voice quiet something that Lydia appreciated.

Of course he had clicked on, he wasn't stupid. James had been the only person Lydia had really spent any time with in the village, it was obvious really. As soon as Lydia nodded her head in acknowledgement to Brody, a tidal wave of guilt washed over her. It wasn’t up to her be dishing out all the details, it was clear that there was going to be no relationship between her and James, maybe he would just want to pretend none of this happened and yet here she was spilling everything to some guy she barely knew.

“I shouldn’t have...please don’t say anything” she practically begged Brody, her eyes pleading with him to keep quiet. 

“I won’t, don’t worry” his voice was calming and trusting, instantly Lydia found herself believing him, rightly or wrongly she was sure only time would tell. “I just can’t believe...I mean, James Nightingale that’s mad. You’re his daughter” the utter disbelief in Brody’s tone was evident. “He never really struck me as the dad type.” 

“I don’t really think he is” 

“Brody” Damon popped his head out of one of the little windows on the boat. “Any chance of some help in here” he asked. He looked a little flustered and Lydia suddenly remembered that Brody was actually working and they weren’t just sat having a little heart to heart. 

“Alright, coming mate” Brody turned around to address him before returning his attention to Lydia and rolling his eyes. She smiled half heartedly. “Do you mind?” Brody asked his eyes full of concern.

“No, no, it’s fine” she wiped the tears off of her cheeks, the move hadn’t been intended to make Brody feel guilty. 

“You’ll be okay, yeah?” 

“Yeah, yeah” she nodded. “I’ll be fine” she forced a smile onto her face, a smile that Brody seemed to fall for.

“Look, you know where I am if you need me” he spoke as he got up from the bench, giving her hand a little reassuring tap, before turning and heading back to the boat. 

***

As soon as Lydia left, Jame broke down. Tears pooled in his eyes, his throat sore as he desperately tried to hold them back. He was angry. Emotional. He needed answers. Within a single moment his whole life had changed, whether he wanted it to or not. Everything he thought he knew was a lie, the last eighteen years of his life had been one huge lie. 

Did they know? Of course Mac knew, that wouldn’t have surprised him in the slightest, the man who orchestrated all of this, surely knew. Revelled in the knowledge of knowing James had a secret daughter. Marnie, his mother, his rock, surely she didn’t know. He trusted her with his life, surely she wouldn’t have kept something so huge, so life changing from him. That being said, Marnie adored Mac, he still had such a hold over her that James wouldn’t put it past her to be in on this little secret too. 

“Oh taking a trip down memory lane are we darling?” Marnie gushed as she entered the living room, the front door closing behind her, in that moment she was completely unaware of what she had just walked into. The atmosphere felt heavy, almost as if dark clouds had suddenly descended over head, you could cut the tension with a knife. 

Carefully, because the contents were worth hundreds of pounds, she placed her carrier bags of clothing down on the kitchen surface. James hadn’t responded to her comment, instead he continued to flick frantically through photo albums and cardboard boxes filled with photos. It was almost as if he was working on autopilot.

He desperately needed to find answers, evidence almost, something concrete to back up what Lydia was saying. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe her, she knew things that no one else could, it was more for his own validation that his long lost daughter hadn't been right under his nose for all these years. There had to be something with in these photos, everyone he looked at drew a vague memory, he tried to remember the conversations he had had that day, the events that had taken place, whether anything pointed towards Lydia. 

“James” Marnie placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, he jumped, startled by her touch, he had been so focused, so in the zone he hadn’t heard her enter. “Darling, what’s wrong?” she asked, her faced laced with concern as she clocked the whiskey bottle that sat on the coffee table, some of the contents already drunk.

“Did you know?” he asked his voice low and already laced with anger. Marnie could tell he had drank a little too much.

“James, you’re worrying me” she slowly sat herself down on the sofa next to him, picking up the photo of him and Nathan that he had just placed on the coffee table. The photo was taken at some family party, James was sixteen, Nathan around eleven. He looked so innocent in the photo, just a young boy enjoying his life, little did that boy know he was set to become a father, maybe he already was one, his daughter months or weeks old, his mind hadn’t quite calculated the maths. 

“You see” James started reaching out for the whiskey bottle and unscrewing the lid. “I’ve just found out I’m a dad” he brought the bottle to his lips and took a large sip, the liquid burning his throat as it trickled down. 

“What on earth are you taking about?” Marnie asked, her voice rising in pitch. 

“Lydia, she came to see me earlier. She told me I was her father” he studied Marnie’s face, looking for a reaction, an expression or emotion. He noticed how her brow was furrowed. He stared deep into her eyes, the rapid blinking hadn’t gone unnoticed. 

“The girl from the office, oh James, come on” Marnie laughed. The laugh was too forced and unnatural for James’ liking. He rose to his feet, almost getting ready to defend Lydia, he believed her wholeheartedly, but Marnie jumped in, interrupting him before the words had left his mouth. “You said yourself how awful her childhood was, she’s just a lost little girl desperate for a family, that’s all James, shes probably jumping on the first man that’s shown her any form of affection.” 

Marnie hadn’t seen Lydia, hadn’t seen that look in her eyes that James had witnessed. She was pleading with him to accept her, desperate for whatever this was to be given a chance, that wasn’t the look of a girl trying out her luck on a complete whim.

“No, no. She knew things mum, things that nobody else would know, things that no one else could have told her” he was pacing now, his voice growing angrier by the second. “She knew about my birthday” his voice wavered as he was forced to relive the memories. 

“She can’t be your daughter” Marnie demanded jumping up to her feet. The shaking of her head another indication which confirmed James’ thoughts. 

“I’m a lawyer mother” Marnie didn’t like the tone of his voice it sounded menacing and vengeful, not to mention the pacing was incredibly unnerving. 

“What has that got to do with anything?” Marnie asked, her arms flapping up in the air before falling down to her side. 

“It’s my job to read people” he straightened himself up as if he was addressing a court room. “To be able to tell when the accused is lying, you start to recognise little traits, tell tale signs. Not to mention when that person is your mother who you can read like a book” her heart dropped to her stomach, James was on to her and she knew it. 

“James please” 

“If you’re not going to give me answers, maybe Mac will” James was already at the front door, reaching out for the handle. “I’m sure he’d love to tell me all about it” he flung open the door, the harsh breeze it created against the ease of the summers day seemed to knock some sense into her. She couldn’t have him going to Mac, that was just a disaster waiting to happen, he would relish in revealing all to James, twist the story and enjoy watching James suffer, falling apart right in front of his eyes. 

“James, just sit down” she demanded. “I’ll tell you everything”

Reluctantly and rather unusually, James did as he was told. He listened carefully as Marnie spoke, he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing, it all sounded so dramatic so unrealistic, it was hard for him to comprehend that this was his life he was being told about, you’d be forgiven for thinking that it was the latest storyline of a new drama. 

“So you paid her to get rid of the baby?” James asked finally getting to the crooks of what his mother was trying to say.

“Well when you say it...”

“That’s what you did. You gave her money for an abortion without consulting me”

“James you were sixteen!” Marnie tried to reason with him, tried to make him understand that her reason for doing what she did was because she had his best interests at heart. He wasn’t buying any of it.

“Keep going” James wasn’t in the mood to listen to her excuses. 

“That was it. For a while anyway. We thought she was out of our lives for good. She came back to us three years later, you were away in London, you’d just gone into your second year at uni, James everything was going so well” it was almost as if she was justifying her actions to herself as opposed to James, there was a great deal of shame and remorse in her tone as she spoke. “She told us she hadn’t gone ahead with the termination. That you had a daughter who was now three years old. Lydia was living with her grandparents at that time and Donna Marie was demanding money from us in a bid to keep Lydia a secret.” 

“So you knew she had this horrible start in life and you did nothing about it” if he was being honest he had no idea how he would have handled the news if he had had the chance to have been involved in the decisions they had made, but he just wished he’d had that opportunity, regardless of the outcome. 

He remembered the first time Lydia had really opened up to him about her childhood, about how she wished she had had a father, how when she was little she couldn’t understand why all her friends had these fun loving dads that adored them and she didn’t. He remembered feeling so sad for her. All along that person she spoke about, the person she longed for was him.

“From what we were told she was happy and settled. It sounded like she’d been through enough, we didn’t want to add to that.”

“Did it even cross your mind to help?” James knew his mother and father all too well, out of sight out of mind. 

“James” Marnie reached across and placed her hands on his knee, her eyes filled with tears, pleading with him to understand. “You have to understand that...”

“I don’t have to understand anything” he raged jumping to his feet. “You kept me away from my daughter for eighteen years. I have to put it right.” 

Before Marnie had time to respond, before she had time to even let his word sink in, he had gone. The front door slamming closed behind him. 

***

“Damon, you haven’t seen Lydia, have you?” 

Damon was out cleaning tables, the party on the boat still looked as if it was in full force, he looked rushed off his feet but it still didn’t stop James from asking after Lydia. He was sure there could still be a chance she was in Hollyoaks village, she’d only left his place an hour ago, maybe she was still around here somewhere.

“Lydia” Damon asked his accent thick as his mind tried to process who James was actually looking for. “Yeah, yeah. She left here about fifteen minutes ago, she was out here talking to Brody for a while, she looked pretty upset.” He returned to picking up a few glasses and bottles from the table.

“Did she say where she was going?” 

“Nah, sorry mate.” Damon shrugged before going back inside the boat, a few girls fawning over him as he passed by. 

James’ mind began to work overtime as he tried to think of where Lydia could possibly be. After leaving the Loveboat only a few minutes ago, it was possible that she was still in Hollyoaks village. He had no idea where, The Dog to drown her sorrows (maybe that’s what the chat with Brody had been all about), The Teahouse for some quiet time.

Suddenly, almost catching him off guard Harry sprang to mind. He and Lydia weren’t the best of friends but he knew they got along, if she was upset and in need of a friendly face, maybe she had sought him out. Before James knew it and at quite a pace, he found himself heading towards The Hutch. 

As soon as he turned the corner, without even entering The Hutch and having to be faced with Harry, his eyes landed on Lydia, sitting alone at the bus stop. James had often viewed her as quite a strong, independent young woman, who despite her upbringing had a good, mature head screwed onto her shoulder. Now, as he watched from a distance, she looked so little, so vulnerable.

Lydia looked up from the ground as she heard someone approaching, seeing James stood in front of her was the very last thing she expected to see. James could tell she had been crying, the red circles around her eyes were quite the giveaway.

“Can we talk?” he asked, hesitant of her response, he had reacted in the worst way, he wouldn’t be surprised if she turned around and told him to stay out of her life forever. Lydia nodded her head and although there was already plenty of room, she found herself sliding slightly to right to give him room on her left. “I’m sorry...” he seemed like a lame start but it was really all he had. 

“You don’t have to apologise” she sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “It’s fine, really.” 

“It’s not fine at all” Lydia got the impression he was talking about more than just their encounter an hour or so ago. “I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”

“It’s okay, you’d just found out you had some long lost kid, I didn’t have high expectations” she tried to laugh but it came out as more of a fight to catch her breath. 

“I really didn’t have any idea you existed. My so called mother has just told me everything” he really didn’t want her think that he had known about her for all these years and simply done nothing. “If I knew, I would have...”

“You wouldn’t have done anything. You were sixteen, you were just a kid yourself. It’s okay” he couldn’t believe how understanding she was being, how she was handling this situation with so much maturity. He almost felt proud of her. 

“You know when I think back, I can’t believe you were out there somewhere. I keep thinking about all the things I did in my late teens and twenties, you would have just started school then. I could have been apart of your life, if, if all these lies hadn’t been told” Lydia could hear how angry he was, angry for all the wasted years, angry for being completely betrayed. It made her feel guilty lying to him over the past few months.

“You know I never meant to lie to you. Well, not for that long, things just sprialled out of control, every time I went to tell you, something got in the way” she explained, suddenly feeling the need to explain her actions. “I never wanted anything from you, I don’t want you thinking this is about money. I just wanted to meet you and get to know you.”

“And what did you think, hey. Just one big disappoint” James joked but Lydia knew all about the emotional undertone to his words, a childhood of being told he wasn’t good enough by Mac, being turned into this ruthless man that resented everyone and everything. 

“I wasn’t disappointed” Lydia had no idea how much those three words meant to James. “You’re so much like me, stubborn and straight to the point.”

“Some of my best qualities” he laughed. 

“I’ve never had that before, you know been able to look at someone and think, that’s where I get it from” she smiled fondly. No matter what happened from this, she had met her father, she could put a face to the name and some form of emotional attachment. “James, what you went through back then” she could feel her heart breaking as she brought up his sixteenth birthday, the birthday where she was conceived completely against her fathers will. “Honestly I had no idea” she shook her head, almost trying to dispel the thought, tears pooling in her eyes. “I understand if you don’t want to have anything to do with me, if every time you look at me, you’re reminded of that night” she started crying again, her body gently shaking as it wracked with sobs.

James sat frozen at her side, he had no idea what to do, no idea how to respond to what he would class as an over the top display of emotion. He was genuinely touched by her words and the thought that she had given towards his feelings. She sure was a good kid. Without thinking he outstretched an arm and draped it over her shoulder, it was his best attempt at a cuddle.

“I want to make this work” he told her after a few minutes and once her sobs had subsided. “I think we’ve wasted enough time. Now, I don’t want...I don’t know if I can be a dad, but I’m willing to try” from where his hand was resting, draped over her shoulder, he gave her arm a little squeeze. Lydia sniffed again and wiped at her eyes, she looked up at James into his green eyes, the eyes that resembled her own.

“I’ve never really been a daughter before. I guess we can muddle through together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. 
> 
> As always please leave comments and kudos. 
> 
> Lots of love. xx

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. 
> 
> As always please leave comments and kudos :) xx


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